I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
