First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
