When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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