How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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