sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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