I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
