What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
