well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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