how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My life is pants optional.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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