Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
