Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
