broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize