When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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