4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
