Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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