We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
how does that bad decision feel?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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