Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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