I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
