my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
high people should be assigned attendants
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
