so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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