Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
