i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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