i don't like sucking hair
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
