We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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