ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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