thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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