Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
