i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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