I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
