So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
