He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
