Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
