wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
