i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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