I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
