Duck Duck Cougar?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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