i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
