The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
