so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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