did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I touched a dick in church today
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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