At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I enjoy the company of your penis
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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