I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
