did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
