I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
