So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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