I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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