I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
