At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Randomize
