You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
