went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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