Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
