Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
