We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
