The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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