I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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