Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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