Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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