yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
