What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
