About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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