I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
