Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I want her autograph on my taint
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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