I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
