i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
