This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
