Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
