I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
