If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
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I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
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She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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