The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
