Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
