Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
