I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize