so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
