the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
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