This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Fuck appropriateness.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
