I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
