Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
and she was petting her beer can
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
