census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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