ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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