if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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