Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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