3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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