I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
