If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
